(The original email, I sent out to 5 neighbors most likely to join)
My friends and neighbors.
I've been wanting to build more strength for mountain activities this summer. Unfortunately I would rather listen to Dave Matthews while asking for advice and buying parts at Bike Tech than lift weights in a gym.
I came up with a solution and want you all to be part of it. I know you've heard of Fight Club, but you're being invited to the even manlier(and less potential broken face especially with JD in the group) Push the Tercel Club.
Membership is free, exclusive for now but open to new members based on vote. You are all part of an elite group I've handpicked because of your proximity to my house.
Here's how it works.
Preferably 3-4 times a week, we all get together in the back neighborhood where there is a convienient 1/4 mile or so strip of gradually inclining pavement with no houses/spectators on it. We take turns pushing the Tercel as far and as fast as we can before giving out. It's not a competition, but you are encouraged to bring a watch to time yourself, so you can make/see improvement over time.
The rotation is: you steer, you push, you cheer and shoot your guns in the air(optional) and/or try not to have a heart attack until your turn comes up again.
Benefits:
1. You belong to a secret club, and we can vote on a secret handshake. We may even work up to shirts or jackets with a sweet logo on it
2. You get a full body workout in less time than it takes to walk around the neighborhood once
3. You won't feel like a moron doing it, because you have 4 other guys to beat up anybody who laughs
4. You will look like a warrior from the movie 300(this isn't guaranteed but apparently this was one of their main workouts. So was "no eating Tony's frozen pizza," but I'm not going that far people)
5. There are no gym membership fees
6. You can't really get hurt while doing it(this is a selling point for certain wives coughBecky)
7. You are breathing fresh air in the great outdoors and being a man
8. You don't have to listen to the Ymca playing I want you to want me for the 5 billionth time by whoever sings that horrible song while you pick up a weight and put it back down 100 times, trying not to inhale the intense body odor coming off the grunting beast next to you that's mingling with the smell of some lady who decided she should wear 2 gallons of cloying lavender perfume to the gym that particular day
We can also be on call. Let's say for example, Scott has a particularly tough time researching a certain mountain bike tire rubber compound and can't quite get the spec conversion ratios for maximum velocity thrust during a turning radius in a wind tunnel on the net and gets so agitated he actually starts thinking about not making a full color 10 page spreadsheet(with highlighted graphs and color coded charts) to send to the rest of us. He calls an emergency session and we all meet up for some Tercel pushing. 5 minutes later, he goes home totally exhausted but refreshed, sleeps for 12 hours, wakes up with a new outlook on life and comes through with 15 pages, and includes a fold out diorama for better clarity
The club can also make new policies. For example- After we work up enough strength/endurance to not be totally embarrassing, you might even want to invite your wives/kids to come and watch/cheer/sit in the car and laugh at you while you push. This is totally up to a group vote. However, wives/kids are not allowed to push. It would be demoralizing to see Madeline push the Tercel farther than me.
I know what you're asking at this point- "What happens when it's no longer hard to push the Tercel?"
A very worthy question and there are 2 simple answers. Whoever is steering simply applies whatever pressure is required by the current pusher to the brake, or we upgrade to the Push Scott's Jeep Club.
As you can see, I've covered all the bases. I may even put up a club website.
I've done preliminary testing, and I gotta say it's actually pretty fun. You've gotta at least try it once and you'll be hooked. But if not, you'll at least be able to look your kids in the eye and tell them you once tried to be a man.
Right now I'm at 50 seconds max effort before total body and lung failure.
One last note for Becky- we will wear helmets and any other safety gear you might require.
Wednesday is the next Push
Derek
President and Founder
